Transforming Relationships

The best time to transform any relationship is before it begins. Let’s talk about that.

You have met someone. You feel them in your thoughts. You feel them in your body. Sexual hunger develops in you. You are both hot for each other. What you do not realize is that you are in black. You are not fully conscious of your behavior.  You are preoccupied with your feelings demanding powerful sexual ecstasy.

Whoa! Stop right there.

Your time for transforming your relationship is now. Because you are a consenting age adult, you can do whatever you choose. You can engage in primal satisfying sex for months before you ask yourself what you are doing and where is your connection going?

Soul rocking sex in an undefined relationship can steal all your good sense. I have met many men and women that trashed their credit scores buying their lovers gifts of clothes, jewelry, fragrances, and cars to discover the object of their sexual hunger is a love criminal.

The only way to prevent these outcomes is to be or become an awakened and a mature adult. Awakened and mature adults experience consensual sex with whomever they choose without losing their minds and their resources in the process.

What awakened and mature behaviors might consenting adult lovers engage in when they discover they have significant interest in each other that hold the potential to lead to a long term relationship?  The following list of 20 proactive activities can help adults make sure they are responsibly in their right minds when considering a candidate for sharing a long term relationship.

1.     You must assume nothing. Your lives and potential love are too important to be left to assumption.

2.     Ask yourself and each other, are you considerate of each other? Do you highly value each other? How is your being considerate of each other and highly valuing each other demonstrated?

3.     Ask yourself and each other, do you value each other’s time and interests?

4.     Ask yourself and each other, are you supportive of things that interest each other, personally and professionally?

5.     Ask yourself and each other, if kindness is part of your characters demonstrated to each other?

6.     Ask yourself and each other, do you share the costs of dates and other shared activities?

7.     Ask yourself and each other, do you observe responsible living in each other? Does each of you own a business or work for a profitable organization sufficiently to provide for your shared needs and wants?

8.     Ask yourself and each other, do you observe each other living in the moment and planning for the future?  Do you talk about your individual and shared plans?

9.     Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about the potential to share each other’s lives over time? Do you talk about how you would ideally like to see that work?

10.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about having children and how you consider their arrival will impact your relationship?

11.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about what you are open to and what you are not open to, what is acceptable and what is not?

12.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about your consistent sexual expectations and other expectations for attention?

13.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will manage conflict before it arrives?

14.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will share household activities like bed making, home cleaning, clothes washing, and meal preparation?

15.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will manage activity with each other’s families? What expectations does each of you bring?

16.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will manage activity with each other’s friends? What expectations does each of you bring?

17.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will process your feelings about each other if one of you becomes sick and one of you must assume responsibility for both of you?

18.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk of your vacation and travel expectations?

19.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about your spiritual lives and your spiritual expectations of each other?

20.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will manage pornography, cheating, betrayal, addiction, or abandonment?

21.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about preparation for death and dying?

22.                        Ask yourself and each other, do you talk about how you will help each other deal with the chronic effects of your childhood traumas and other life disappointments?

These questions are necessary shall you determine you share long term interests in each other. Because you do this proactive work, it will not eliminate the day to day work your long term relationship will require. It will, however, increase the probability that your awakened and mature love will be able to manage and work through whatever comes to challenge you.

There exists another possibility, if good sex is all that matters, you may discover that you are not ready for all the acts of maturity necessary to develop and share in long term relationship

Because you are an adult, you are free to make your own choice and walk you own path. It is your privilege. If you are not ready for the level of commitment, do not pretend you are. To do so not only makes a mess of your own life but to  the life of the one that believed you loved them.

There is a final truth here. If you are not sufficiently awakened, aware, or mature, these adult level decisions are not likely yet in your skill set. You may need more time to get there. If you cannot be honest with yourself, you cannot be honest with anyone else.

Help for your relationships is one phone call or one email away. 

Contact me at 480-228 - 4654 or buildbetterrelations@gmail.com